Ventress EscapesFor Half A Minute
by Scriptor Sapiens
Summary: Though captured, Ventress makes a desperate jump for freedom!


Rex walked in, holding a steak over a badly bruised eye.

Obi Wan entered shortly afterwards, and, catching sight of the clone, asked, "So, you caught her?"

Ventress had escaped from her high security prison earlier that morning. Rex had instantly been dispatched to, ahem, retrieve her. By the looks of his eye, it hadn't gone so well.

"Yep, I caught her alright," the clone muttered darkly.

He sat down heavily at the mess hall. The Jedi Master sat down next to him. "What happened?"

"Well," Rex began, getting a glint in his eye. "She was coming along the path, cackling something fierce. I jumped out at her from behind a tree and I says, 'Sister, there's a man here wants to see ya!' Shoulda heard her yell, she's wacky alright!"

Poor Obi Wan had jumped with the face Rex had put on. "Well," the master cleared his throat. "Where is she now?"

"I put her back in the cell," the Clone trooper said sullenly, slugging back another drink.

Obi Wan shot up out of his seat lightning quick like something had bit his bottom.

"Where are you off too?"

"Did you find out how she got out?" Obi Wan shouted on his way to the door.

Rex realized what he was getting at. "No…oh."

"Yes, 'Oh'!" The mess hall doors shut as Obi Wan raced outside, calling for his Padawan. "ANAKIN! ANAKIN!"

Suddenly, Eeth Koth and Barriss Offee stumbled out of a broom closet, growling. "Where is he? I'm gonna kill him!" Eeth screeched.

"What on earth?" Obi Wan skidded to a halt. "What are you two doing?"

Barriss removed a broom stick from her butt and tossed it back in the closet with contempt. "Your damn Padawan locked us in the closet. That's what. And then he ran off with Padamama, or Panda Bear, or whatever the hell her name is!"

Obi Wan smacked his forehead. "Well, no time to lose! C'mon, you two."

"Why? Where we going?" Eeth bounded alongside the master like a happy puppy.

"To take care of somewhat of a hiccup," the master returned, taking off down the hallway. Barriss and Eeth sprinted after him.

"Idiots," Ventress hissed, squeezing through the bars on her windows like they weren't there at all. Through special training, and lots of yoga, her body was as malleable as gold. Even the bars on her window that would have kept in a normal human were no problem for her. Easy as pie. She leapt out of the window like a cat, landing just as agile and silently.

She sprinted off down the turret. The clones had taken away her two lightsabers but that wasn't problematic. She knocked stray clones off the turret as she ran past. Not dead, but probably bewildered.

And there, sitting inside a large cage sat her lightsabers, bolted down like they were going to come to life and run away. She cackled as she used the force to pick the lock, and in no time at all, her lightsabers were restored to their faithful positions on her hips. And that's when the trouble began.

Obi Wan dropped out of nowhere in the doorway. "Going somewhere, my sweet?" he asked innocently.

"Yes! Out the other side."

She turned around and then Barriss jumped down from the roof.

"I'm sorry, but there's been a slight change in travel plans."

"Oh no, there hasn't." And Asajj slammed the door in her face, leaving her plastered against it like a bug on a windshield.

She was going for the window until Eeth's head popped up like an evil Jack-in-the-box. He started to say something, but she didn't leave him conscious long enough to hear it. She rabbit punched him right between the eyes and leapt out the window as he fell away.

Suddenly, something caught her collar. She looked up and there was Obi Wan, holding on for dear life.

"It's a long way down, my dear. Ask Master Koth, he knows."

She looked down to see the zabrak make impact with the ocean a few hundred feet below.

"I could almost thank you," she hissed up at the Jedi. "Almost."

She started to use the Force to try to wall run, but Obi Wan was two steps ahead of her. As she was running, he grabbed her heels and smashed her against the wall two spaces beside the window.

As she began to fall off, gravity took over again she began to fall and peel Obi Wan out of the window. With a protesting 'Oh!' his feet left the ground and he was almost out the window until Barriss snagged his ankles.

She groaned at the weight of two Jedi dangling helplessly out the window. "Jeezum, I'm out cold for two seconds and you try to run off with Ventress, Obi-Fenoki!"

A few hundred feet below, Eeth was pulling himself onto the algae encrusted rocks. As he was reaching up, one of the rocks gave way and he fell back into the ocean.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Barriss was making slow progress dragging Obi Wan back into the window. "Don't let her go!" she heaved, pulling with all her might.

By this time Ventress had woken up and began to howl at seeing the ground several hundred feet below. She suddenly leapt up, climbed up Obi Wan's body like so much rickety ladders, kicked Barriss in the face in her hurry and hid herself in the broom closet.

Smacked in the face, Barriss had let go of Obi Wan to nurture her growing black eye. As Obi Wan plummeted to the depths below, shrieking his hatred for all things Ventress on the way, Eeth hauled himself up onto the rocks finally, and looked up in time to see Obi Wan streaking towards him with terminal velocity. Obi Wan howled, "LOOK OUT!" but it was too late, and he clobbered the unfortunate Jedi with a full body slam. In a mass of flailing arms and legs, the two slid back into the ocean.

Barriss opened the closet and saw Ventress looking very ashamed of herself. She had passed up a wonderful opportunity to escape and had hid herself in the broom closet instead. Some Sith she was.

Barriss suddenly had an idea. She shut the closet, stuffed a chair underneath the doorknob, and began to call the clone troopers.

"Ahem," came from behind her, and there stood Ventress tall and sinister.

Barriss whimpered. "How did you get out?"

"The door opens the other way, you little imbecile." And with a sock under the chin, Barriss was in la-la land.

Ventress began to bolt for the door, but suddenly, it closed. She had no time to stop, and soon her face was plastered against the window. Rex sat at the bottom, holding it shut. "Whoopsidaisy," he said.

Meanwhile, in the fathomless depths below, Obi Wan and Eeth had hauled themselves up onto the rocks. The clone troopers had already lowered grappling hook lines so that they could get to the top again.

Halfway through their climb, Ventress in handcuffs and being led away, seized the opportunity and chunked one of her last Ninja stars, severing both the ropes. Need I say more?

One hour later, both sat in the medical wing, feeling very sorry for themselves indeed. Ventress was back in her cell and this time in solid concrete, with no windows. And Barriss was shaking hands with Rex outside the cell door.

"Job well done," he grinned. "And by the way, where is Anakin anyway?"

Throughout this whole ordeal, Anakin had been gettin' him some in Padme's room. Eeth and Obi Wan had actually streaked past the window as they had fallen, but both where…ahem…too busy to notice anything.

The Padawan had just stumbled from the room, a glass of champagne fizzing in his fist, when Obi Wan crashed through the medical doors like a screaming banshee, beating his beloved Padawan with the brunt end of his lightsaber.

This is how the story ends, with three people in the hospital wing, two people cleaning up the shattered glass, and a bewildered Padme waiting for Anakin to return.

FIN.


End file.
